Why my kitchen is just for resale.....

Yep...I should have known better.  I was surfing blogs on Sat afternoon while Mr. Higgins was watching football, and I came across this cute blog of a guy called Inspired by Charm.  He had a recipe for Double Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Muffins. Any recipe with chocolate in it and the title "double chocolate" made me swoon..... I should have stopped right there and just gone out and bought a candy bar.
But no.....I thought how hard can cupcakes be?  I mean kids make them right???

 I think it was about 5 when I decided to go get the ingredients.  So.... I thought, the store is less than a mile away, get home and be done with this project in an hour.  I had visions of me taking cupcakes to my neighbors on a cute plate with a big smile "Look, I just whipped these up a few minutes ago"  "Enjoy".

One little thing of importance here:  Most people experienced cooks would go through the list of ingredients first, and not run out of the house like somebody said Nate Burkus was at Publix handing out tickets to his show.  I just printed it out and bolted.  I'm still thinking cupcakes...6 year olds...easy peasy.

I just buy all the ingredients except baking soda and baking powder because of course I have those two staples right?  I get home and start going through the kitchen like I was looking for the missing winning lottery ticket.  Even football guy looks up to see WTH is going on.  I just know I have cupcake pans right?  Who doesn't.  Here is what I find
The smallest they've ever made.  Like the size of a quarter.  And here are the cupcake wrappers that I bought

Yep.  JUMBO.  Cause I did not want this to take ALL night.  I rummage around some more in the pantry and I found these
Standard.  Then I found these

WTH...why do I have all these sizes and the smallest cupcake pans known to man???  Crikey...back to the store again.  It is 6 pm.  In a perfect world I would be done with this project now.  I am already starting to lose interest.

Back with the right size [cause there are no other sizes].  Now you might say to yourself why the heck didn't I just buy the larger cupcake pans?  Yep.  I said that exact thing when I got home.  Another dang reason why I do not bake/cook.

Now I am in a hurry for this to all be over.  Totally muttering under breath and slamming things around.  Which is why I should have stopped right there and sat down to look at the Sak's catalog with pictures of thousand dollar [more like 3000.00]  boots.  Those are out of my league and so is baking apparently.

Preheat oven...check
Line the dang baking tin with those SMALL paper cups......check
Beat the eggs and a bowl and THEN mix in the sugar.....check....WHAT?  Whoops

Yep....a squirrel must have ran by because I kind of messed up that part.  Oh well....these are cupcakes, not the cure for cancer. Found these

AND...spent 10 minutes looking for this......
When did it break away from the pack?

Baking soda....expiration date Oct 08....does that stuff go bad?
Baking powder...expiration date...yikes it looked like June 01.  Can't be.  Use anyway.

I spent 3 minutes trying to put the beaters into these holes [that is the wrong end completely]

Until I realized that they belonged here instead
I'm sweating now.  What was I thinking?  I am so far out of my league here it is ridiculous.  

Get it all mixed and start trying to spoon it in the cups.  Geez, I needed a syringe  to get it in because the openings were so SMALL.  I literally had it all over the place.

First 2 pans done and I have this much batter left

Yep...this could be a long night.  After eating at least a third of the batter, 10 cupcakes I finally finished up around 9 pm.  5-9.  4 hours to make simple cupcakes.  I am exhausted.  Pots and pans to wash.  Have to throw this away

Because I can not be trusted to have  in my house.  I will lie awake thinking about it.

  Oh yeah...one little, no actually 2 little things that bug me.  At the very end of the recipe he said "I also sprinkle the tops of my muffins with a cinnamon/sugar mixture"  Really?  Michael, at the end you tell me this?  Like I have that lying around? 

 AND at the very very end he said "and that's it!"  Like it's a recipe for making toast...take out of bag and put in toaster.  Please.....I'm cured.  No more baking.  That is why they have cupcake stores.  I know when I am defeated.


Okie Chic said...

Lol don't you hate it when you have good intentions and blah this happens. Your story was making me laugh out loud which is really hard since I'm not a morning person.

Courtney said...

LOL.. I don't bake either. Sounds like quite the night.

maggie said...

omg..are u sure ur not really erma bombeck re-incarnated!!! that story/event was so dang funny i will be printing it and submitting it to "random house" for publishing!! i could envision the whole thing!! and especially knowing you had a big install yesterday!! hope the end product was yummy!!!!

Mimi said...

I spit out my hot tea when I came to the mixer part. You actually had them going in the wrong end- too much, girl. I'm with you. Can't remember the last time I used my mixer.
However, were they tasty?


Mimi....I made 60. I ate at least 10, I gave about 5 to my stepson and David ate the other 45 between Sat night and Tuesday. I was too tired to even walk a few over to my neighbor. I was sick of the whole ordeal by then.....yes the batter and the COOKED version were great. Let me know if you want the recipe because I will dig it out of the trash.

Chats with Jack said...

This is so funny! But before you give up on your kitchen completely, please remember that baking is much more difficult than cooking! Baking is such an exact science that one little thing will mess it up. Stick with onions and bacon and cheese and you can't go wrong. ;-)Then go out and buy a candy bar.


Truer words were never spoken Abby!!! And...of course butter.

alison (semi-fab lane) said...

too funny! i read his blog occassionally and it's great. i'll stay away from this recipe though, lol.

Melanie B. said...

This post was soooo funny! I have tears running down my face, and i'm trying not to wake up my 2 year old. By the time you said you were sweating, I thought, "Look at it like a work out!" This was too funny. I have done this too. Thought I had muffin pans when I didn't-check. Thought I had baking soda/powder-check. And then if i did, they were so old I threw them out. I hope they at least tasted decent for how much work you put into them! Anywho, keep the posts coming--they are a pleasure to read.

Dharma said...

I absolutely adore Michael's blog but he is soooooo much more a "home diva" than I could ever be....I give you HUGE points for even attempting that hot mess... I too have decorated my kitchen for resale and for my husband who does 99% of all our cooking.

Lou Cinda @ Tattered Hydrangeas said...

OMG!!!!!! OMG!!!! Hilarious! This could have been ME! I am so TOTALLY NOT Betty Crocker!!

Were they good??

I do have to mention though....up there in the photo of the jumbo baking cups? It says "no baking pans needed"

Just sayin'

Lou Cinda :) :) :)


Lou Cinda.....OMG.....I have the IQ of a gnat! I did not even see that. I was SO focused on the size of my cupcake pans!

Sue said...

Okay, So you don't bake much.... Do you cook?! LOL This is my first visit here so I guess I have to go back and read archives. Crack me up, Miss "I am not Betty Crocker." LOL
~ Sue

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