Y'all I hate to be this way....I don't have much to share right now as I try to dig myself out of this black hole I have been in for the last week. Some of the things that have been thrown at me have brought me to my knees....with these thoughts running through my mind ......what the heck did I do to deserve what feels like hatred from someone I was with for 30 years? A need to punish.....I am at a loss......you win.
These events have been extremely difficult for me. Some of you have known me for 10 years and I pride myself in being able to see the light...and the humor in life. My sisters and close friends would say I am like Pollyanna...seeing life through rose colored glasses.
I know it's bad when I can't even get excited about design. Don't get me wrong....if I have heard this once I have heard it a thousand times....especially this week....that things will get better. I get it but dang right now......I am having a hard time just pushing forward.
So many thoughts running through my head....so many scenarios that maybe I could have changed...should have changed but didn't. I swear being a creative is a curse. All of you practical people.....you left brain....logical humans who can see situations so much better than the dreamers....I envy you.
I can't even describe what I am feeling because I am sure somebody would send the authorities over here to check on me:) The word despair comes to mind.
I am not writing this for sympathy....it's not like I don't know I am loved by my family and friends and by many of you that I have never met but have lifted me up these last months. I guess I am just mourning....and I understand that just has to run it's course....right?
All I can say is hurry the hell up because I want the joy back in my life.
Thanks for reading....appreciating....commenting and sticking with me for this phase in my life.
This is me....raw.....what I am going through and I am sure many of you have been there. In fact I am positive I am not alone in these post divorce feelings. I mean there have been books written about it....and movies made.
You will be able to feel me.....as I try to climb towards the light.
I promise this will not become a blog about my life....heck no. This is "one and done"..... I WILL BE BACK TO DESIGN AND FASHION.
Yesterday I killed a spider running like a thief in my closet and I actually chuckled because as everyone who is afraid of spiders has said.....leave this closet....lock it up and never return.
There is still some laughter deep down in there:)
#lookingformynewnormal
I promise this will not become a blog about my life....heck no. This is "one and done"..... I WILL BE BACK TO DESIGN AND FASHION.
Yesterday I killed a spider running like a thief in my closet and I actually chuckled because as everyone who is afraid of spiders has said.....leave this closet....lock it up and never return.
There is still some laughter deep down in there:)
#lookingformynewnormal
Posts
84 comments
From what I’ve heard, being a total dick is the only way they can live with themselves. So maybe things weren’t rosy 24/7 but we adjust and get on and hope this too shall pass. I hope it was worth it but karma will have its day. I promise you.
Sending you love......your blog is the first one I click on daily. Your honesty never grows old. Not sure why your ex is being such a “dick” as previous commenter said. Probably lots of guilt......thus the need to lash out on you will validate his poorly thought out plan. Not your fault for loving a coward.
Oh Sherry. My heart hurts for you. The journey forward after a devastating loss is not an easy one. When you’re in despair it’s hard to picture yourself ever feeling any differently. Unfortunately it’s a road we have to travel moment by moment. Missing your joy and being able to look forward to something doesn’t feel normal or familiar which just adds to the despair. You WILL find a new normal because of all of us that care about you. You do have a life worth living one moment one day at a time. Give yourself grace. The kind of grace you’ve given me. Love you a Sherry and our lives are worth living 💙🙏
Yes, give yourself grace and use the blog as your Dear Diary of sorts. The design will follow as you get to redesign your life.
xo laura in Colorado
My mom’s favorite saying, “if you can’t hang
it up, nail it down,” might help. My advice is
distract yourself! Watch some Gavin & Stacey
on Netflix. Go outside. Talk to your sisters. We
Love You!
Thank you for your honesty in sharing this devastating journey. You always keep it real and this is no exception. Your creativity, passion for life, honesty and humor will bring you through this challenge. It sucks to be here and you do not deserve it! Trust in yourself, embrace your talent and passions, hold your loved ones close and stay strong. Pollyannas always persevere!
I have watched dear friends go through this struggle. I have also seen them rebuild their lives into something more fulfilling and beautiful than what they had before and they surprised themselves with their strength and resilience.
I just don't know what to say. Nothing will fix your hurt. If I could I would give you a big hug, tell you I follow you daily and see all the friends you have and are all there for you. Your creativity will never stop - it is who you are!!! (((()))) Pat
Sherry, I have known you most of my life and were very close for
several years when the bunny sister moved to Georgia. This should be a walk in the park considering the past/previous husband. That to me was much more devastating and volatile than what you’re going through now. It’s a process to go thru. Anger, loss, grieving, second-guessing yourself, would have, could haves. We can’t go backwards only forwards. This chapter will be over shortly and you’ll find that the new door that you walk through will be better than your life has ever been before. It’s true, he has been an asshole for many many years but you went on to live your life the way you sought fit. Keep doing the things that bring you happiness, experience new things. You are such a beautiful woman and have so much talent with your personal style as well as your fantastic eye for design. Family and friends are stepping all over themselves trying to help you through this period. When you start thinking unpleasant thoughts the only thing to do is change the channel. You can do this and come out on the other end better off than you are today. I myself, I’m looking forward to that time when you will feel so rewarded when this chapter has closed. All my love to you. Jeannie ❤️
I love your blog because of who you are as a person! Your fun sense of humor, your realness as you deal with the loss of your ex (or who you thought he was), your fabulous designs, and your fashion. Thank you for being real with your readers...please know that we share in your pain and in the anger that will follow. Never forget your worth!
Thanks for sharing the real and hurting you Sherry. You are brave and certainly something good and positive will arise from this difficult, dark time. Your creativity and ability to find humor and beauty in anything life throws your way is why I ( and many) follow you and certainly why good will prevail for you. Sending thanks, positive vibes and cyber hugs.......
I am so sorry to read this Sherry, not that you are sharing but what you have to endure.
As someone said previously, a coward will only act as such, repeatedly.
Maturity dictates the never ending questions, the "what if's". Mark my words, a coward will not, his concerns will be "woe is me".
I wish I had the words to ease the despair, the photo of you and Cami breaks my heart. I wish I was there to distract you, to give a hug, open a bottle of wine......
you have "entered the room", now you have to walk through it to the other side, you will. in the interim, we are here for you, your readers adore you, good or bad. keep us up to date, we care
sending much luv
Debra
You are stronger than you think, Sherri.
Sending love.
Arli
Sherry, I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time in your life. You have been an inspiration to so many that I am hoping that you can feel the support of all of us and that it gives you some strength. Keep Cami close and let her give you lots of hugs and kisses.
I have found the saying "What someone does is a reflection of them, what you do is a reflection of you" to be helpful. I think what Ellen (first comment) says is on target - acting terribly may be some sad way of justifying his behavior to himself. I am so sorry you are going through this and remember none of this is deserved, justified or rational. If you are looking for a distraction, I can recommend the 3 seasons of The Detectorists, about two middle age guys in a little English village who love metal detecting. Find the Season 1 trailer to get a sense of it. It is one of the most charming, uplifting, quietly joyful tv series I have ever watched.
Sherry, Hopefully your post will help more than you know. Journaling is a recommended healing tool. The responses will remind you how much you are loved and respected after you are left feeling just the opposite. I went through your situation. My lawyer told me he has seen this scenario way too many times and to watch out because my ex was no longer the person I married. A mid-life crisis changes everything about the person and they will do things you never expected. He was so right. It is not your fault.
I love your blog, and one of the reasons I love it is because you are authentic. There's a gajillion design blogs out there where the blogger acts like their life is perfect all the time. Thanks for being real about the not-at-all-perfect things that life throws at us too. I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time right now. It's natural to grieve this kind of loss. You strike me as a fighter who is going to come out the other side, and find a way to thrive in new circumstances. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself.
And I second the suggestion to watch The Detectorists! It's charming, and uplifting in a really gentle lovely way.
This big of a trauma isn't something you walk around, you simply have to work through what seems like an impossible task. I am proud of you for considering there are things you could have done differently. That is incredibly brave and ultimately it will be what helps you heal. You can't change the past, but as others have commented, you can only change yourself. I have loved Alice Walker's sage advice of "Take what you can use, and let the rest rot. The comment came from Alice's mother as they walked in a season end of tomatoes. Alice applied it to religion. I have applied it to everything. If I could needlepoint, it would be a pillow! I have always thought that wisdom is born from a broken heart. You will survive. You will endure...and for a little laughter, a friend of mine's sister was often given to malapropisms, her best was while holding a sweet potato to the air ala Scarlett O'Hara, "As God as my waitress, I'll never be hungry again." Go girl!
Dear Sherry....first let me say how sorry this cloud is trying to dwarf you right now. But you have got so much going for you girl. You have your health, your incredible talent, your sense of humor and the love of your family and friends; including those of us who have never met you but would sure love to do so. Just keep smiling and don't let him see that he is winning, as your are stronger than any little petty games he can play.
If some woman ever comes up and hugs you at Scott Antique that will probably be me. Love you Sherry!
I am so sorry you have to go through this. And, yes, things will get better, but I am sure that doesn’t change how you feel right now. Sending you lots and lots of love and please know there are many of us cheering for you and keeping you in our thoughts. Much 💕
Give yourself as much comfort and time as you need. You can't turn a 30-year ship around in an instant. Vent if you need to. It's OK!
Sending you love and strength, day by day Sherry.
I meant a friend who directed me to spell caster called Dr PADMAN online who help people to solve their relationship and marriage problems i never believed in spell until i meet a man called Dr Dr PADMAN, who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married with two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you Dr PADMAN for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his Email: padmanlovespell@yahoo.com. Whatsapp +1949229386 (info@padmanspell.com) website: https://padmanspell.com/index-3.html
YOU define who you are....NOT anyone else! Our hands and hearts have your back Babe;) xo
Hello Sherry, I am thinking that this man, your former husband , has a lot of pent up anger , maybe nothing to even do with you but his own issues, and is a blamer. He is trying to place all the blame on you. Blaming you for everything but not looking at himself-why else would he leave after 30 yrs together,, just take off, no explanation or anything, and never speak, nor discuss. Where is his decency as a human being ? Sounds like he is the problem, not you. Of course everyone in life thinks about what we could have should have done, we are human and make mistakes, but we try to learn from them and go on. Please do not beat yourself up. You did the best you could have, had no idea that this other person was so angry-how could you if he never spoke of it ??? You are a great person, have so much to share with others. Others like me, so enjoy your Blog. My life changing experience was as a young new Mother whose husband left with no explanation-I had no idea he would just take off !! Never to see me or his child again. So from my sorrow I went on to meet the man of my dreams and we were together 43 yrs -I do believe in the saying-when one door closes another door opens. Stay strong - and you will be where you need to be-
Oh Sherry- I am so sorry for your current state of mind. I feel certain this too shall pass. You have provided me so much fun for years as yours was my very first blog that I followed and still a favorite! I hope you can feel the fondness and encouragement from your followers. Remember that living well is the best revenge. And you will live well and prosper. I just know it.
It will suck for some time and then one day you will realize it doesn't suck as much. Talk about it as much as you need to with your people. We are all out here cheering you on!
Through the darkness, remember that you are loved by your sisters, friends, and family and adored by your clients and countless readers. I hope that the light and joy you have created for all of us will reflect back onto you in some way. In the meantime, be kind to yourself. It WILL get better.
Oh Sherika....how did I miss this? I'm so sorry you are going through what seems like disparaging times, my prayer is that you will see peace and happiness soon! Hugs Sherry!
Stay strong Sherry! Know that even though we haven't met, I look forward to hearing from you via your blog. I feel like we are all friends here, joined by you and our love of what you do. I am so sorry you are feeling this pain. We are here for you! XOXO
You are not alone on this path - others have been there and can be huge comfort so find them. And keep reminding yourself that you will come out the other side of this tunnel even stronger than you ever knew you could be.
In the mean time do ridiculous/fun/scary things when you have the energy - go dance like a fool, rock climb, sing karaoke to a roomful of people you'll never see again, take a hot air balloon ride, whatever you can think of that reminds you that he isn't your life and his actions validate nothing. Just love Sherry! <3
Considering that this coward of man had to steal away while you were out of town speaks of such low character. Of course he'll cast all the blame on you so he can make himself feel worthy of what he did. He's a total loser and isn't worth the time of day. The end of marriage at the time is devastating but you will come out stronger than you ever thought possible. Don't let him get the best of you as move forward with your life. He isn't worth it!
As in all things, this too shall pass. You just need some time.
xoxo
I've enjoyed your blog for quite a while. I'm sorry your are going through such a sad, hurtful time. Praying your joy returns and this fades away as a bad memory.
Do you want me to have him bumped off? I know people. 😉
Love you Sherry. Keep moving one foot in front of the other.
I’m so sorry! I know it will get better, but that’s easy for me to say. I wish I could do more. Who knows why people treat their loved ones like this. I saw my dad do it to my mom and he died alone. She made a better life and is happier. If you haven’t found a professional to speak with, it may be worth a try. They’ve always helped me sort out my feelings when they’re too much. Love,
Susie
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for all you do and for being you!
Maybe you really loved the fantasy? He sounds like a jerk, perhaps you did not see that. I bet that you are missing a relationship, not him. And him leaving you - a very pretty, strong & talented woman - is a reflection of his faults not yours. It was a life experience and there will be many more. A man does not make a life for a woman, a man is just a part of it. If there's a man in your life that loves you, that's a bonus in life. But if there's a man that's a jerk to you, let him go and hope he goes far far away. Life is short, be with people who deserve you and lift you up, not bring you down! Sounds like a cliche but I want to teach my daughters that they should never allow anyone to take away their sparkle and dull their light. Take care and hang onto those family and friends that support you and will bring you back into the light. See? something great to look forward to! :)
The capacity of pain one human can inflict is ridiculously vast. I'm so sad that it's being directed towards you. Yes, you're a dreamer and didn't see it coming. But the way it went down sure was a cowardly way of handling things. You've got so many years ahead that can bring your joy back. You're beautiful, smart, talented and sassy. It's all ahead of you now. Maybe this isn't all 'sweetness', but damn it - good riddance, I say. Out with the old, in with the new.
Barb
So sorry to read about your divorcee. It may sound ridiculous to say, but try to not blame yourself. We orbit around each other, sometimes the universe keeps it that way, sometimes it doesn't. It's so hard to maintain your own orbit, let alone control someone else. We do the best we can, to keep ourselves on course at the same time hoping that being loving and giving will be enough to keep others around. At the end of the day, we only have control over ourselves. I can only imagine what a devastating blow it can be.I will let you know, that others who have gone through this and have felt renewed on the other side, better than they were before. I hope the same for you. Hug that big puppy!
Sending so much love and sympathy to you, Sherry. What a hard time you are going through and how unfair and cruel life can be sometimes (for all of us). When I have been in a similar dark space, I have indulged in uplifting books, movies and TV to help bring light into that darkness. Also, surround yourself with only affirming, supportive and positive people. Seek them out and pull them close. These are the ways I have found to give myself a toehold, a finger grip to avoid falling into the abyss of despair. I would also suggest planning something for some months out to give yourself something to look forward to and to mark the passage of time through this hard pass. Again, sending so much love and sympathy and support that I hope you can feel yourself bathe in it. xoxo
Sherry you are in my thoughts. Do not let this man take your sparkle or love of life. One thing that helped me through the same kind of horrible experience was the thought that living well is the best revenge. That fueled me and helped propel me out of pain. Take care and know you were too good for him. Life is fleeting so f him and get out there and find joy in all the little things you can and don’t waste another minute thinking about the asshole. Most of all, you are deserving of someone awesome who adores you. When you find that you will wonder why you ever were with this guy. You can’t find it thinking about him and what happened. Move forward and take care of number one. Much love to you. Hugs.
Sherry, my heart breaks for you. I have enjoyed your blog for a few years now. Your candor about your life and family has always made your blog feel honest and a stand-out. I am one of your many readers grateful for you, and all the gifts of humor, style, and decorating you have given me through cyberspace. You have a good perspective on your current situation and are in a good position to find your way to the other side. I know you will. -- Carol
I’m sure you realize that animals are excellent at acknowledging who is worthy to receive their utter love and devotion. The photo of you and Cami says it all. Don’t you give up on life, friends, fun...everything is right there waiting for you. Take the time you need to acknowledge any mistakes, forgive yourself and eventually him, and then move forward. We’re here for you, cheering you on. You can and will get through these hard times. Hugs for you and Cami.
If i lived near you, i'd come & get you & we'd go for a drink. We'd talk, cry & laugh our tushies off. And everything would be better. Do NOT waste another moment of your youth -- yes, you're still young -- on the cretin. Life is too damned short. And there are lots of people out here.... XO
P.S. buck up, baby, the best is yet to come!
When I was going through my divorce (a year to the month in I found out he was cheating on me....Happy Anniversary) There were times when I didn't want to wake up. Not that I would kill myself, but not waking up seemed like a good way to not have to feel.
That was in the 90s. I am getting married in May to a wonderful man.
You will get through this but dang I know right now it doesn't seem like it
Prayers for you daily Sherry.
I have wanted to write so many times. I am more of a talker when it comes to really expressing myself. Being a creative type myself, sometimes I feel people are threatened by our energy, passion and love for what we do. Possibly your ex felt resentful and not able to keep up with your success and life. Keep your head up as God has a plan for your life.
When I was 30 my husband of 5 years left me and yet told me he was still in love with me. What does one do with that? I held out hope of us reuniting until I found out he was getting married and she was pregnant! I am so thankful now that my life took a different direction. I had to really grow up and figure myself out. After a period of time I met my current husband and we are going on thirty years. He is sooo much different than the first husband. My growth and self reflection allowed me to fall for a different type of guy.
So keep your head up. Your best days are ahead!!!
On a different note, I love your blog and learn so much from you. You have had a ton of success. I stage houses in Denver and have my own company. I have thought how fun it would be to run into you on your work shopping, as I am frequently the same places for my business! Your Boulder jobs have been done extremely well!!
Thank you for finally getting me to write. I would love to come to Georgia and go to Scott's with you!! Mariann Roach
I'm new to your blog so I don't have the backstory on your separation and pending divorce but, having been there myself, I empathize and sympathize.
My ex verbally abused me to the point I thought I was worthless, no self esteem left at all. Thankfully I went to a therapist who made me realize this was his way of covering up the guilt he felt for all he had done.
Ladies, we can listen to their bs and allow ourselves to be beat down or we can stand up and say, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!" Ring a bell??
Ask yourself if there is any reason you have to sit and listen to any of this. Is this meant to be a therapy session for him to air his complaints? Or can you just walk out until he can control himself? Unless there is a reason that you need this divorce to be over quickly, I think you are in the driver's seat here.
No one deserves to be mistreated, bullied or abused. Don't let him do this to you anymore, take back your power (i.e., self esteem)just be sure to do it with dignity and grace.
We're all behind you!
I know you know it will get better but I also know how you must be feeling right now. Hugs.
I read a lot of the comments and it seems you have so many supporters, me being one of them. I couldn’t begin to add any more words of wisdom and support but believe me, you are in my heart. I know in time, you will come through this awful time and be back to your wonderful, talented, hilarious self even better than before. This is the time to grieve but don’t let it swallow you up. I’m so glad you have Cami and a huge group of friends and loved ones to help you move forward. And yes, it will get better, we all promise you that. Sending you a huge hug!
You will get your spunk back. This is a process that you have to move through but there will be an end. Don't listen to your ex's negativity. The person he is describing is not you. He is projecting. What a sad, mean old man. You are the better person. Don't let him take your joy away. You are so much the better person. Keeping on being your perky, Pollyanna self, the one we all know and love. Hugs and prayers, Pam
You're right, I could say all the "expected" things. Things will get better, blah, blah, blah. I've been there. The worst is the betrayal. Being betrayed by the one you trusted most. The one that made an oath to both God and you to be there no matter what. Don't beat yourself up thinking I could've, should've etc. The fact is, his character allowed him to do this. I've been there. It has now been over 10 years. I wish I could say I no longer feel any bitterness. I still do at times....but it no longer engulfs me. Lean into your family and friends. Remind yourself that you are accepted and loved by many. Remind yourself that you can't change other people or their character, and that you are not responsible for their choices. You give so much beauty to us and this world Your future will be beautiful. Sending love and understanding your way.
Big Hugs!
We all hope the weekend gave you some healing. We are holding your hand through this, and support you in every turn.
Don't be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.
Michelle Obama
You will over come and find you happy self again.....
We love you Sherry!!
Having been in your shoes more than once, I can ell you honestly that the only way to get through this is by taking one day at a time. You are right to acknowledge your feelings of despair, and you are so fortunate to have a good support network. Try not to let the actions of someone who hurt you so badly define the rest of your life. There is a good blog about divorce recovery written by a Canadian named Lisa Thomson. She has shifted the focus of her current posts to writing, but the blog began as an effort to get through a bad divorce. You can still pull up the older material. I believe the blog is called Lisa Thomson Live. Let me know if you can't find it. She offers so much good advice and wisdom. Best wishes for you always.
There's a pretty clear message here, Sherry...YOU ARE LOVED BY SO MANY! I am one of them, that's for sure. I wish I could help alleviate some of your pain. One day you will wake up and feel happiness again. Take care of yourself and your sweet pup.
Mary Ann
Love and hugs to you.
I am with you every step of the way—truly. My husband walked away from our 21 years together on 9/1/19, 3 days after dropping our son at college. He's a freshman and our only child. I thought empty nest syndrome was the adjustment with which I would grapple, but boy, I had no idea just how empty my nest would be. Like you, I have the good fortune of a very loving family and the dearest of friends who have carried me through this. And still, my emotions vacillate between raw fear, incomprehension, moments of despair, and numbness. I can flog myself for not being in a healthier place by now, not doing x, y or z that might have prevented this from happening, stripping away my self-worth, and a host of other non-healing thoughts that do not serve me. Simply hearing that another is walking a similar path and hasn't figured it all out, finished mourning,or "gotten better" oddly gives me hope. I discovered a writer who went through the same thing and she calls it "Wife Abandonment Syndrome." She describes it as a trauma rather than a typical divorce. If you've not yet read anything by her you might find this group of value, knowing we are not alone in navigating this grief. https://mailchi.mp/df18f6f8d880/news-from-the-runaway-husbands-community-145421?e=e7e096f4c5 https://www.runawayhusbands.com/ Thanks for being brave enough to expose your vulnerability on this gut-wrenching journey. I believe that it is in our vulnerability that we surrender, and in surrender we access God, where limited beliefs can open to infinite possibility. Peace.
I love u, Miss Sherry and we never met! Give yourself the opportunity to mourn. No matter how a relationship ends, whether mutual or lopsided, it doesn’t matter, as it was still part of you. If anything, one realizes just how strong we are. Adversity breeds strength. In time, you will see the light and feel the sun shine on that beautiful face again. Big hugs to you and Cami. Keep the faith, girl and keep on keeping on.❤️🙏🏻
Sending you love and patience to weather the storm.
Sherry, of course I know no details of your situation but as one of those practical people, I was concerned when hubby retired and you turned rock star! The House Beautiful project and cover, the collaborations with Ladisic Fine Homes and Matthew Quinn, etc. You were on fire just as hubby ended his career. Pretty sure everyone that follows you wishes they were able to hug you in person and say how much they love you!
Sherry, I too have been through the pits of Hell many years ago. The one thing I can say is that for me I had to talk about it with my friends. And they were so indulgent of my situation allowing me to continually vent until one day.......I didn’t have to say anything anymore. Life got better. So my advice is to let your friends love on you and listen to you. Things do get better.
So many beautiful thoughts have been shared here. We all admire your design talents and love YOU! Family is obviously important to you. For even through your own brokenness, you asked us to lift your brother-in-law and sister in prayer. Time heals and one day you will lift out of this emotional fog and see things more clearly. My guess is that your ex-husband is unhappy with himself. Leaving you like he did was a cowardly act. He left YOU to pick up the pieces. Don't let him steal your joy! Sherry, you are a brave warrior, surrounded by loyal brave warriors! Dust yourself off, throw your shoulders back and be your best self!
Having been there, I agree with those folks above who say to take one day at a time. Right now you can’t imagine what it will feel like 6 months or a year from now. Just focus on getting through today and tomorrow. I also found a great therapist who also helped me to use the pain as an opportunity for growth. He’s here in Marietta if you’re interested. Just let me know.
Sherry, my heart hurts for you so. I lost my husband of 47 years to cancer just 5 months ago and most days I feel like I can hardly breathe. What I want to say to you is that it doesn't matter how you lose that long-term relationship with the person who was there with you every day for 25, 30, or more years--it is the biggest loss of your life. Please take the time to grieve fully. I am seeing a grief counselor and it is helping me enormously. I think in your case, it might be even more important to get professional support. In cases of divorce, many times, people encourage you to be strong, get over the "jerk" and move on before you are ready. No one can know how long that will take but you. Even taking the actual person out of the equation, you still need to grieve the life you'll never have--the possibility of a 50th anniversary, sharing family events such as graduations, weddings, birthdays with your spouse, trips you might have planned, and so much more. Just something to think about. Hugs to you.
My heart hurts for you.
I can't see how I can offer you more affirmation than the others who commented but I would like to offer this suggestion. While we are praying for you, your ill brother-in-law and his family, I hope you can find it in your heart to lift your ex in prayer - asking God to cleanse his troubled soul. I know for a fact that it becomes more and more difficult to have animosity toward someone when you pray for them. Prayer heals and he needs it too. I know this feels like a tough assignment but you can do this. BB
Betrayal and abandonment are really, really big things to get past. It's hell. Give yourself time. It sucks to be walking through the bad feelings everyday. Go easy, allow yourself all the time you need to mourn, do something positive for yourself each day - even if that is just getting out of bed and showering! Sending warmest healing thoughts. -Jeanine
Sherry, I agree as with the others, you are an incredible woman. Thank you for sharing your life, your truth. Thank you too, to all the commenters as well. Over ten years later from a similar situation many of these comments continue to heal those like me. I love Myla's comments that resonate so well. I was married to a "victim" (blamer)which I didn't recognize until the mid-life crisis period. A characteristic that allowed him to take no responsibility for any of his own actions yet blame everyone else for their supposed, multiple transgressions against him. I watched him blame everyone around him from co-workers to friends (mostly mine)until finally I became the bulls-eye and he left like a coward with someone else. It took me forever to stop kicking myself and recognize this pattern he continues to live to this day. Our brain can recognize the logic, but sometimes our hearts are very slow to catch up. Years, slow. Now I give thanks for the favor of his leaving. I am at peace. So Sherry you will get out of "this room you have entered." You will find happiness within yourself again. Likely you can't rush it, I am sorry to say. But trust us when we say, you will my dear. Much love to you.
Dear Beautiful and Creative Sherry,
I do think he is just trying to justify in his mind so he can live with himself.
Your personality comes through, you will rise above this and life will be better than you ever dreamed of. Everything you are feeling is normal and it is so hard. We are all with you. Wish I could come down there and give you a big hug, but you are a strong and vibrant woman, I can see it. Don't let anyone live rent free in your head. This will pass. I promise you.
I love your blog. First time ever commenting. I don't mind the shares about your personal life. You are a great writer and I find it interesting to know more about you. Sending you love and strength!
So sorry you are having to walk through this valley of death. And that is what it is, a death of something that was part of you. As I was walking through a loss not nearly as difficult as this, a wise person told me to put on my black dress and grieve it. You won’t be grieving forever, but give yourself permission to mourn the loss and everything that comes with that ( shock, anger, pain and learning to live your new life and then the sun shining again). You are in my thoughts and prayers !
So sorry you are having to walk through this valley of death. And that is what it is, a death of something that was part of you. As I was walking through a loss not nearly as difficult as this, a wise person told me to put on my black dress and grieve it. You won’t be grieving forever, but give yourself permission to mourn the loss and everything that comes with that ( shock, anger, pain and learning to live your new life and then the sun shining again). You are in my thoughts and prayers !
So sorry you are having to walk through this valley of death. And that is what it is, a death of something that was part of you. As I was walking through a loss not nearly as difficult as this, a wise person told me to put on my black dress and grieve it. You won’t be grieving forever, but give yourself permission to mourn the loss and everything that comes with that ( shock, anger, pain and learning to live your new life and then the sun shining again). You are in my thoughts and prayers !
So sorry you are having to walk through this valley of death. And that is what it is, a death of something that was part of you. As I was walking through a loss not nearly as difficult as this, a wise person told me to put on my black dress and grieve it. You won’t be grieving forever, but give yourself permission to mourn the loss and everything that comes with that ( shock, anger, pain and learning to live your new life and then the sun shining again). You are in my thoughts and prayers !
Oh no, didn’t mean to post 4 times!
apologies if this post is redundant- your ex is nasty as a defensive mechanism so that he never has to explain what really went on. For him this is his coward's way out- no amicable exchanges so there is never an opening for questions from you. Rest assure, this sorry chapter will haunt him in the wee hours of the night when he's trapped in his thoughts and unable to sleep. Living well is the best revenge. Find a fabulous therapist, heal, take your talents, energy, beautiful self and leap over this hump. Yes there will be many bumps, setbacks but you can do this. You will never know how much this helps the many women out there going through similar crises. Thank you for opening up your heart and your life. Peace be with you.
I agree with all these wonderful friends and you are worthy of all the praise. Do not let what one person said and did define you. You are hurt but still the same smart, funny, beautiful person. Stand tall in the knowledge that it's HIS loss, not yours.
xoxo from the world!
I suspect he's really angry at himself for the mess he has placed himself in. His grass is not greener at his new place. He's just taking it out on you because you are an easy target. Keep enjoying your dog, family, friends and making beautiful rooms for your clients. Live your best life and he can wallow in his mess.
It is not how you fall that defines you - it is how you get up.
You will rise with grace - the wind may be knocked out of your sails but it will return - take this time to reconnect with yourself and what you need. And keep in mind - it's hard to leave something that is good so sometimes history is rewritten to justify the reasoning...dont let that rob you of your memories.
<3 Maurie
Divorce always makes me think of Dr Laura when asked is it better to be divorced or widowed. She said widowed because then people bring you food. I hope you have people bringing you food.
Big hugs to you!❤️
Sherry,
As soon as I saw the gorgeous photo of yourself and Cami, I thought 'Cami knows'. There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said above. Hugs and love to you Janine
Post a Comment